Can you still hear me?

A man who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night, and of course, his car is weaving all over the road.  
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
The cop says, "Sir, do you realize that your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf"!

As I read this joke I died laughing visualizing the action.  I then reflected on this joke and it seemed to bring me to think about God.  This year has been a rough year for me.  I found myself in the beginning of this year in a very, dark lonely place.  Trying to break away from a toxic relationship and learn once again how to truly and genuinely "love" myself.  Start healing and embracing the person who I was.  I began a process of acknowledging that God made me a wonderful woman with many wonderful attributes.  I had to stop placing blame on myself for a failed relationship.  I started building up what was tore down (self esteem, self worth, respect, pride).  Yet, I knew I couldn't do it ALL alone!  But, unfortunately it had been some time since I had fallen off the back seat of the car.  It had been a while since I truly, consistently tried to speak to God and give Him ALL my fears, sorrows, pains and troubles.  It had been some time that I could honestly say I was holding tight to His hand clasping it with no thought of letting go. How was it that I could have anticipated a better life, a blessed and drama free life.  How was it that I could expect God to send me "Real" Mary J Blige Love, "I've got your  back" Love; if I've allowed myself  for Him to think that He's gone deaf and that I've fallen out of the car.

 We say yes I'm willing for you to guide me and get me to where YOU want me to be, lift me up Jesus, but where is the endurance?  Where is the effort of communicating daily with Him, seeking Him, loving Him and letting Him know "I'm present, I'm ready".  If I didn't realize that I had lost sight and realize that I had disconnected myself from Him I think that the blessings that later came into my life this year and the joy that I felt in Him listening to my pleas and granting me a "new" renewed life wouldn't have come into play. As you reflect on your relationship with the MOST High, Jesus.  As you decide to be decipher what your "new year" resolutions will be.  I believe the "most" important question should be does God think He's gone deaf ? What am I doing to ensure that He's able to hear me?  Grab tight, hold on, don't let go, speak to His Heart and 2012 will bring you much more than what you bargained for.  

The Process is Irritating

I’ve heard this process before, but the more and more I seek God, the more and more I realize, man this process of becoming a rare and beautiful pearl ‘tis not easy.  The pearl is as prized as a precious gem, but it is not formed by geologic processes like precious and semi-precious stones. Instead, the pearl is a product of some species of oysters and other shell-fish, formally called bivalve mollusks. It is formed when irritants become lodged in the soft tissue inside an oyster's shell, and, to protect itself, the oyster produces a coating for the irritant. This coating, called nacre, builds up in many thin layers and creates an iridescent cover over the irritant. The resulting product is a pearl a beautiful, rare pearl.

In Job 30:18 MSG, he cries out “I am tied hand and foot, my neck in a noose.  I twist and turn.”  I can definitely relate with that feeling.  My finances seemed like they are tied, despite being faithful in my giving and tithing.  Every pay check I struggle to pay something and I'm constantly juggling bills here and there. I feel like I’m choking loosing my mind trying to guide my teenage child into being a fearful man of God, a man of respect and value.  Constantly having to play the “BAD” guy!  Realizing there’s someone that doesn’t really like me. As I go through the process of building on my relationship, the enemy continues to bring forth issues, obstacles and irritate me each and every way.  Lodging thoughts of fear.  I feel none of it's easy pain, it's lodged deep down.  At times I cry, I scream, I pout and through this process I find myself at times broken.  Rarely do I question God.  I tend to not get Him too upset asking questions that He’ll probably look at me and say “really, your really questioning ME?” and perhaps getting the “silent” treatment. LOL.. I just stand still like a child that fell off their bike riding at about 15 mph with my face dirty full of dried tears, bruised and bleeding here and there, trusting and knowing that as God being my Father; He’ll cover the wounds and though the process of healing is much to  much irritating I’ll be fine.  It will ALL be fine.

How do you know this you ask?  In Matthew 13:45-46 reads “…God’s kingdom is like a jewel merchant on the hunt for excellent pearls.  Finding one that is flawless, he immediately sells everything and buys it.”  How amazing is it that after all the pain, all the crying, all the process of the irritants caused by hurt over love, hurt over toxic relationships, after the pain over the loss, pain over ones hang ups caused by our choices; He provides a coating for those irritants and that’s his endless love slowly producing the “nacre” which then results into that pearl.  "You" are that Pearl, that excellent pearl that He is willing to drop it ALL for. GIVE IT ALL for!!!!!  What is ALL?   His "only"son, so that we can have certainty that we’ll succeed, we’ll be triumphant.  He proves to us that we are so rare, beautiful and precious that He was willing to suffer as well; so that we may conquer all and any obstacle through His power and strength.  So.....this Christmas I’d like to personally thank baby Jesus.