Lost & Found

I figured why not commemorate V day and write about L-O-V-E!  The mooshy stuff we all look forward to.  But, I can’t write about LOVE without talking about hurt, pain and anguish.  One of my favorite films is Titanic.  Perhaps not a chic flic, but definitely was about romance and love.  I’m sure all of you have seen it, but it’s a love story of two people who met on this boat one in a controlling, abusive relationship and the other looking to find freedom and progression.  Little did they know that whatever they were in search of they’d find in each other on this boat called the “Titanic” that later became one of the most tragic stories in history.  

As a young girl I was very careless with love.  Being young and falling in love was something that wasn’t quite that important to me.  But, as I grew older I started to find the want and desire to love and be loved.  Unfortunately, like a hotel going out of business love was vacant.   I then wanted to re live that romance from the Titanic and even had hopes that at any given time I could find someone to save me! For many years I kept encountering men that were not who they said they were and those that showed me what a jewel I was.  But, sadly there was always something missing in those that were “great” guys.  That being said I knew what it felt to feel like you’re the best thing that could have ever happened to someone and to also feel as if  you weren’t the most important person in that person’s life or their OPTION B.  Day and Night I prayed relationship after relationship (some abusive, some very toxic) asking God to strip me from all of it and bring me someone that HE has for me.   But, how could He if I didn’t give it ALL Up!???  I was much like the alcoholic who is drunk to the point of tittering and he knows it, but in trying to give someone the bottle to make them stop they still are tugging to get the last sip!  I felt like an addict! Thinking just one more hit, this will be the last of it (the pain).  At the end of it all I realized I wasn’t who I should be.  I had changed and became the woman who had lost all self respect and self worth and all I  did was wallow in my sorrow.  I one day said to myself enough is enough and gave it ALL ….ALL OF IT to God!  I broke away and decided to LOVE myself!  Enjoy myself, find myself and trust that at one point the “right” person  will come my way and accept that if I never found that person then I would just LOVE me, myself and I!

You know when you’ve lost something (earring, bracelet, button etc.) and you decide to stop searching for it, because deep down inside you know you’ll find it eventually.  That’s where I was!  So, One day on a trip  when I least expected it.  When I wasn’t looking for love.  In the place I’d least think I’d find Him. I met that person!  There he was!!! In the anticipation of waiting for him to notice me.  Later, he approached me and whispered in my ear that he thought I was gorgeous "I Exhaled".  After only a few hours in conversation I knew it was “HIM”.  My truth …the real thing.  I was in awe of the surprise!  I can honestly say that if you wait for it …it won’t tarry…...the vision will come true!  This valentine’s has superseded those that have been filled with loneliness, heartbreak, emptiness and sadness.  It’s not about the gifts, cards etc.. it’s about feeling and receiving God’s love through this one person.  This man has been a vessel used by God transpiring God’s wondrous, amazing, pure love. 

So, for all you single people that are still in search or are in a on/off relationship that’s not going anywhere.  There is still someone out there for you.  Someone that will put your “LOVE ON TOP” (as Beyonce says).  That will keep you in awe of such astonishing love.  I say keep praying .  Those prayers aren’t falling on deaf ears!  Be specific and say exactly what you want and you will see that in time (maybe not YOUR Time), but in time that remarkable person that will treat you with the up most care, respect and appreciation will arrive.  In the meanwhile,  remember God LOVES YOU …YOU because your wonderful, brilliant, incredible and you ROCK! Happy Valentine’s! From me to you Kiss Hug and High 5!

Is there F.O.G. in your life?

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.

Dentist: Could you do me a Favor? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn't all that bad this time. 

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game. 

It’s hard to understand "favor" at times;  some of us don’t know how to handle it very well.  We tend to question and aren’t even grateful for "favor given".  Daily I see many of favor unraveled in my life.   But, what about finding “favor” in the eyes of God?  What does it mean for Him to provide favor over our lives?  When you favor someone it’s because they feel your special, your worthy of being selected, being chosen to either receive love, gifts etc.  The same goes for God except he requires only to seek Him and love Him.  To be faithful and ensure that daily we don’t disregard his presence in our lives. 

I had an old iPod which the battery had fried.  There was no way for me to get it fixed and the next thing was to purchase another iPod.  Now this was the classic iPod that was 80G and I had at least 65G worth of music, movies, etc.  Well my dear friend did me the favor of taking it in to Apple.  Now, given I had already gone some time before and they told me: "NO, NO you’ll have to get a new iPod" ($249).  This time around they told him “we’ll replace it, NO problem and all you have to pay is $50, but you’ll now have a 120G iPod”.  This same friend was traveling and as we all know you have to pay for each and every bag.  He had a total of  three bags and realized he didn’t have enough for the 3^rd bag.  As he smiled and enter into a dialogue with the lady, she then said;  "don’t worry about it" and didn’t have him pay for the additional bag.  Is this luck, chance?  No, it’s Favor Of God.  

Life isn’t easy.  People are tough on you and sometimes they are down right nasty.  However, there is Divine intervention through God which provides you with favor.  There’s an acronym I’ve adopted and that is F.O.G .  (FAVOR OF GOD).  We ALL want it.  How much easier will your day be if you are able to have  FOG in your life.  But, here’s the catch!!! There’s only one way of obtaining FOG in your life.  Seeking Him! “For whoever finds me [Wisdom] finds life and draws forth and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 8:35.  That easy ? Yes! What’s hard is staying the course so that you can continue to keep that FOG in your life! 

 I hope and it is my prayer that as you meditate on these words, your desire is to live a life in continue to seek (F.O.G) Favor Of God.  For favor will nourish, streghthen and prosper you always.

Can you still hear me?

A man who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night, and of course, his car is weaving all over the road.  
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
The cop says, "Sir, do you realize that your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf"!

As I read this joke I died laughing visualizing the action.  I then reflected on this joke and it seemed to bring me to think about God.  This year has been a rough year for me.  I found myself in the beginning of this year in a very, dark lonely place.  Trying to break away from a toxic relationship and learn once again how to truly and genuinely "love" myself.  Start healing and embracing the person who I was.  I began a process of acknowledging that God made me a wonderful woman with many wonderful attributes.  I had to stop placing blame on myself for a failed relationship.  I started building up what was tore down (self esteem, self worth, respect, pride).  Yet, I knew I couldn't do it ALL alone!  But, unfortunately it had been some time since I had fallen off the back seat of the car.  It had been a while since I truly, consistently tried to speak to God and give Him ALL my fears, sorrows, pains and troubles.  It had been some time that I could honestly say I was holding tight to His hand clasping it with no thought of letting go. How was it that I could have anticipated a better life, a blessed and drama free life.  How was it that I could expect God to send me "Real" Mary J Blige Love, "I've got your  back" Love; if I've allowed myself  for Him to think that He's gone deaf and that I've fallen out of the car.

 We say yes I'm willing for you to guide me and get me to where YOU want me to be, lift me up Jesus, but where is the endurance?  Where is the effort of communicating daily with Him, seeking Him, loving Him and letting Him know "I'm present, I'm ready".  If I didn't realize that I had lost sight and realize that I had disconnected myself from Him I think that the blessings that later came into my life this year and the joy that I felt in Him listening to my pleas and granting me a "new" renewed life wouldn't have come into play. As you reflect on your relationship with the MOST High, Jesus.  As you decide to be decipher what your "new year" resolutions will be.  I believe the "most" important question should be does God think He's gone deaf ? What am I doing to ensure that He's able to hear me?  Grab tight, hold on, don't let go, speak to His Heart and 2012 will bring you much more than what you bargained for.  

The Process is Irritating

I’ve heard this process before, but the more and more I seek God, the more and more I realize, man this process of becoming a rare and beautiful pearl ‘tis not easy.  The pearl is as prized as a precious gem, but it is not formed by geologic processes like precious and semi-precious stones. Instead, the pearl is a product of some species of oysters and other shell-fish, formally called bivalve mollusks. It is formed when irritants become lodged in the soft tissue inside an oyster's shell, and, to protect itself, the oyster produces a coating for the irritant. This coating, called nacre, builds up in many thin layers and creates an iridescent cover over the irritant. The resulting product is a pearl a beautiful, rare pearl.

In Job 30:18 MSG, he cries out “I am tied hand and foot, my neck in a noose.  I twist and turn.”  I can definitely relate with that feeling.  My finances seemed like they are tied, despite being faithful in my giving and tithing.  Every pay check I struggle to pay something and I'm constantly juggling bills here and there. I feel like I’m choking loosing my mind trying to guide my teenage child into being a fearful man of God, a man of respect and value.  Constantly having to play the “BAD” guy!  Realizing there’s someone that doesn’t really like me. As I go through the process of building on my relationship, the enemy continues to bring forth issues, obstacles and irritate me each and every way.  Lodging thoughts of fear.  I feel none of it's easy pain, it's lodged deep down.  At times I cry, I scream, I pout and through this process I find myself at times broken.  Rarely do I question God.  I tend to not get Him too upset asking questions that He’ll probably look at me and say “really, your really questioning ME?” and perhaps getting the “silent” treatment. LOL.. I just stand still like a child that fell off their bike riding at about 15 mph with my face dirty full of dried tears, bruised and bleeding here and there, trusting and knowing that as God being my Father; He’ll cover the wounds and though the process of healing is much to  much irritating I’ll be fine.  It will ALL be fine.

How do you know this you ask?  In Matthew 13:45-46 reads “…God’s kingdom is like a jewel merchant on the hunt for excellent pearls.  Finding one that is flawless, he immediately sells everything and buys it.”  How amazing is it that after all the pain, all the crying, all the process of the irritants caused by hurt over love, hurt over toxic relationships, after the pain over the loss, pain over ones hang ups caused by our choices; He provides a coating for those irritants and that’s his endless love slowly producing the “nacre” which then results into that pearl.  "You" are that Pearl, that excellent pearl that He is willing to drop it ALL for. GIVE IT ALL for!!!!!  What is ALL?   His "only"son, so that we can have certainty that we’ll succeed, we’ll be triumphant.  He proves to us that we are so rare, beautiful and precious that He was willing to suffer as well; so that we may conquer all and any obstacle through His power and strength.  So.....this Christmas I’d like to personally thank baby Jesus.